Okay.

I’m okay: 

Functioning. Doing my tasks. Smiling like I should, and occasionally forgetting about the flames, ashes, and pile of rubble that lies beneath my feet. Dramatic, perhaps, but these words remind me that it’s okay to be authentic about the nature of 2020. There’s been a fire. The flames have been hot. Refining and burning…. Whichever comes first.  

I’m okay: 

Most moments of the day are spent busy, hustled, and full. There are moments that are quiet, and those are the moments my thoughts get the better of me, or should I say, my feelings get the best of me. Thoughts are connected to feelings; illogical, harsh, or irrational as they may be, they have a way of getting the better of you if you listen long enough to hear. 

Some moments I’m okay: 

The words don’t bother me, nor do the feelings. I wrote some time ago that loss is an interesting thing… I don’t know if I truly understood the gravity of that statement until several more months passed and the pile of trash kept growing, waiting to be taken out.

Forward motion is the name of the game until we reach an impasse where the legs literally give out: The legs or the heart… whichever comes first. Sometimes our bodies give up before our mind does, because the mind is strong, but the body feels everything. The tension in the neck and back, the strain on the voice, the sleeplessness, and the headaches that come and go with every cup of coffee.

I’m okay: 

Sometimes “okay” is the bridge to “fine,” which is the bridge to “good,” until finally we look back and we laugh.

-RS