Layers, Not Hats.

It’s been a minute. 

I’ve written a half dozen pieces & thrown them out because they were unorganized, sad, or confusing. This piece is likely no different if I’m being honest—but for this morning, I have decided I care less about the outcome than I do about the process because there are words in my head begging for a home on a page, even if they make no sense. So here it is. 

These times are strange, stranger than even I anticipated. There are a lot of opinions out there, and a lot of hurting people. There’s a level of anxiety that is unmatched because this is new for the entirety of the human race. There are no certain answers, no end date, no resolution. We sit back & try our best to go on living just like we always have, but confined.

I often find myself wondering if I’m living in some dystopian film as I wander the isles of red-taped Grocery stores scattered with signs of life cloaked in masks. The level of anxiety has also been met with moment of gratitude: My daughters have become further integrated in to what I do, in to who I am. There hasn’t been a separation between wife, mother, worship leader, musician, & friend. There has been no removal of hats or nicely organized spreadsheets of time management: There’s just been me. I think partly it might be better that way. Maybe our roles and jobs aren’t “hats” as much as they are layers that clothe us. 

I’ve found that Art & Creativity  flourishes when there is whirlpool mind: It’s easy to latch on to one thought when you have three thousand circling in a vortex. The funny thing about Art is it is seldom organized, and almost never manifests as something understandable. Rather, it often presents itself as a type of question, waiting for the artist to unlock the answer. Creativity is an oddity because often it doesn’t make sense at first-glance (unconventional things never do), so we can have the tendency to toss creative ideas out the door because we fear unconventional ways of thinking. We fear the unknown. However, without creativity, there would be no solutions or new territory. There would be no discovery or unlocked treasure troves of new to challenge the normal. Without creativity, there's only rules, regulations, and vanilla ways of living.  For me, I prefer spumoni. I prefer finding the why over the what, finding the new rather than the old, living outside the box, rather than cramming all of humanity in the box (let’s be honest… there is not enough room for us all inside the box any ways). 

I’m not sure how much longer this season will last, but I am sure of this: 

In the abundance of space we’ve all been ordered, turning up your nose at anything which offers you community and connection has been all but abolished. There has been a resurgence of living over doing because we’ve been forced to look in to the mirror of ourselves, our families, our closest relationships, our jobs, and our art. 

For me, I have decided: I would rather write half a piece than write nothing at all. I would rather write an honest song than a ‘great’ one, I would rather be covered in layers than choose to wear many hats. I would rather spend my days worshipping the One who knows beginning and end rather than spend my days trying to find the linear start & finish. 

Happy Week 7 of Quarantine, humanity.